“If you don’t have any thing nice to say, say nothing at all.”
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While reflecting on how I’m doing as a mom, I’m riddled with the thought that all moms have at one point or another, ” Am I totally screwing up this kid!?” I think I have this thought at least once a day. It is not my personality to make excuses for myself or to cut myself slack. I am painfully aware of my short comings. I am extrmemly critical and expect a lot from myself. This leads me to have a very low opinion of my strengths particularly when it comes to parenting.
I am so very aware of my shortcomings, (temper, inconsistency, unrealistic expectations, and stressing the small stuff) when it comes to parenting, I feel that these charateristics get amplified. I mean, why wouldn’t they? Then you’re short on sleep and sanity, the ugly comes to light. Getting positive reinforcement that you’re trying hard, despite the shortcomings is so important, especially during the hardest times.
I express my insecurity with my parenting usually with sarcasm, which is not the best idea, I’m aware. But for some reason when I do express my concerns, it is over whelming how unhelpful, or even mean people can be. I think that my sarcasm is misinterpreted. Just the other day, when I was bemoaning a conflict with nap time that we have to consistently deal with, I was met with an eyeroll and, “Well, your kids are really scheduled” , as if it was ridiculous for me to have my children on a routine. I didn’t even know what to say.
There is very little room for flexibility in my kids schedule, pretty much anyone who knows me knows that. My kids don’t sleep a lot, and I can assure you, I’ve read every book, and tried every method to change their sleep patterns. What I have discovered is that time, consistency, and a unwavering bedtime routine achieve the best results for us. Do I like this? No. Do I wish my kids would just pass out in their carseats and sleep for hours? Of course. Do I wish other people would have the respect to follow my kids routine so I could get a break? Naturally. What I’ve discovered however is that whenever I do talk about how I parent my kids, I am met by eyerolls, and comments such as, “Just give them Benadryl.” I may not be a great parent, but I know enough to not drug my 2 year old and 9 month old to sleep.
Apparently, my complaining about the difficult aspects of parenting my particular kids is socially unacceptable. I feel like I’m a 25 year old being judged for wearing preteen clothes or something. Instead of encouragement most parents are met with ridiculous unsolicited advice or even critized, as if they did not have their children’s best interest at heart (I believe most do, even if it doesn’t seem like it). I loathe that I feel the pressure to explain and make excuses for my parenting choices.
Despite my shortcomings, I think sympathizing is something I do well, particularly with other parents. You know what another parent needs when they are complaining about another sleepless night? “Wow that sucks. You look great even thought you got no sleep!” Trust me, that parent is raking themselves over the coals of guilt enough by themselves, and, even if they aren’t, being judgey isn’t going to make them feel guilty. I disagree with most of the parenting choices I encounter, but I don’t even bother to say anything to the parents. I hate it when people do that with me, so I’m not about to return the favor.
I struggle with not letting the meanies out there get to me, particularly if they are close in proximity, but something I always try to remember is, “haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.” And then I feel a little bit better. These little people remind me why I do what I do.
